I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
