Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
