they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
