dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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