she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
