i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
