dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
