I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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