I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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