Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I stole a fireplace last night.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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