I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
