Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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