it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
