I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
