then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
