At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Randomize
