someone owes me an orgasm
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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