So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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