dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
