maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
