can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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