Best friends brother. Beat that.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
