Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
