her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize