your parents love me but you hate me
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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