That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
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