don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
