Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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