Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize