why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
