Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
did i just pee glitter
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
