It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize