What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
