I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
