my soul wont recognize me after tonight
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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