i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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