Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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