She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
