Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
