I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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