you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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