Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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