While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
