Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
