check it out our google latitudes are spooning
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
