Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
