I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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