if i can run in heels then i can drive
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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