I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Randomize
