you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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