Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
