Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
