Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
