I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
