I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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