Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
