Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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