pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
