How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
