Whod you bang
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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