After last night, I could never be a politician.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
