the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
