Your dad touched me again.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
