i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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