Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
this boner is exhausting
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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