lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
