I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
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