if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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