you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
