I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Fuck appropriateness.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize