I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
