even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
